Our marriage was just horrible, and we couldn’t stand each other!! When we first moved into our first apartment, just 6 weeks into the marriage, my wife told me in a very mellow, soothing yet confident voice…”Brian, you’re a mistake, this apartment was a mistake, and this whole marriage is a mistake!” Ouch! And then she just sat there, no yelling, crying, or fighting, just laying down the hard cold facts…very peacefully and painfully.
Well…If you’re a business owner, entrepreneur or a leader in your company pay close attention, especially if you’re also married. You’re spouse has more impact on your bottom line than you probably realize. They impact your business simply because they impact YOU. This year makes 20 years of marriage to my only wife that I met in college at Texas A&M. Below I’ll share 7 reasons why I feel it has lasted that long, and in certain cases how its impacted my business.
At the time she said the painful words above, she was right, I’m telling you I was both horrible and controlling. I didn’t know what to do, the only thing I could tell her was that I was willing to fight for her and that’s all I knew to do. Below outlines what that fight looks like today…with the 7 M’s to a great marriage and/or a great business.
- Mission – I had to learn how to treat my wife as my first priority. Meaning, leading her (and my children) by living out Godly principles of grace, truth, and love, not just talking about them. This is a work in progress, but there has been progress and maturity along the way. I thank God for his grace and patience with me…because I need it!
- Maturity – I had to learn how to focus on what mattered to her, not just myself. Immature men focus on themselves, like kids do, mature men consider their wives: their perspective, emotions, and interests, which builds trust in an incredible way.
- Money – I have always been the financial provider for my family and I’m grateful to say I have done very well in that regard, providing for all of their needs and some wants, but there was a season where this was a major challenge, man it was painful to lose so much, but we became so much stronger in the process and now manage the business financials by hiring professionals. She should not have to worry about money.
- Mind – I intrigue my wife’s mind by asking questions, and finding out what’s inside. This once lasted for 1.5 hours, in one session of me listening 90% of that time! Oh man this can take some patience because her mind can be a massive well of emotion and thoughts that simply exceed my cranial capacity. :- ) Women are probably saying, yeah girl, express yourself, he asked the question. Guys are…well, no longer reading this post at this point saying, “This dude is crazy!
- Muscles – I must be physically fit and healthy. As Jim Rohn says, treat your body like a temple, not a woodshed. This one isn’t mandatory, but very helpful for both of you. Self-inflicted injury, sickness and disease can also damage a marriage, your business, or both.
- Man-Up – Either catch the snake in the yard, the possum in the trash, or the bird in the house (we’ve had all 3) without asking her for help. Take her on dates. Send her sext messages (not pictures) but let her know you’re thinking about her (in that special way) at 2:30 on a Tuesday. Why not? Buy her flowers for no reason, take her to breakfast since it’s not the typical dinner and it’s different. Watch a romantic comedy with her once in a while and Man up dude!
- Motto to Live By…in marriage and business. I went through a painfully difficult time in my life and during that journey I learned 3 very powerful and valuable lessons. I now live by these 3 principles…daily.
- Get Dumb.
- Get Quiet.
- Get Help.
Get Dumb – Stop acting like you know everything.
Get Quiet – Since you don’t know everything, stop talking and trying to fix everything.
Get Help – Since you don’t know everything, and have finally gotten quiet, only open your mouth to ask someone for advice.
I now surround myself with wise, mature, business men that I have allowed into my personal and professional life and it has reshaped my thinking, my behavior, my family, my business and hopefully my future. I love them and thank God for them.
QUESTION: Which of the 7 resonates most with you?
I hope this list has helped someone, because it works, in marriage and business. Having massive support from your spouse can be a game changer in your business. We are currently in Italy, speaking together at a leadership conference, she’s a tremendous asset to me and the business. I plan to be with her forever because I discovered along the way…that she’s very much worth fighting for!
The point: I changed, my marriage changed, the way I treat people changed… so my business changed as well.
Ciao for now.
Brian & Tasha Williams run Perspectivity Consulting International, a consulting firm that uses proprietary systems and mobile apps to help companies build a best in class communication and sales presentation culture, they are based in Dallas, TX (USA).